Top 12 Things Likely to Be Overheard if You Had a Klingon on Your Tech Writing Team

By Robin Hilp

• "Style guides are for the weak and timid!"
• "This MS Word is a piece of GAGH! I need a Mac if I am to do battle with this document!"
• "You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon."
• "Hanging indents? I will show you hanging indentation when I hang you upside down and indent your skull!"
• "What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make 'releases'. Our help desk 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake."
• "Klingon single-source templates do not have 'parameters;' they have 'arguments,' and they ALWAYS WIN."
• "Localization? Klingons do not localize. Our jargon does not coddle the weak."
• "I have challenged the entire marketing team to a Bat-Leth contest. They will not concern us again."
• "A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not run spellcheck!"
• "By your review comments you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!"
• "You question the clarity of my style? I should kill you where you stand!"
• "Our users will know fear and cower before our documentation set! Print it! Publish, and let them flee like the dogs they are!"

This semi-original list is by Robin Hilp, aka Meg (Meglimir: a jewel cut in the shape of a bear: _meglis_, Noldor for "honey eater", kenning for _morko_, Quenya for "bear"; and _mir_, Quenya for "jewel" -from JRR Tolkien's Elvish languages). Robin is a Senior Documentation Engineer for Sharp Microelectronics and an active member of STC and ASI (American Society of Indexers). She can be reached at rolybear@yahoo.com.